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Sunrise, sunset. Your lover is an actress. [entries|friends|calendar]
The fragile keep secrets, gathered in pockets.

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[30 Nov 2008|07:37am]
Wtf hahaha I totally just guessed my password. Wow, it's been like 184 weeks since I've posted an entry.

I'm in college now, baha. Never thought I'd make it here eh. And holy FUCK. This journal is so emo! I've been reading it, almost makes me want to shoot myself.

Why didn't someone slap me upside the fuckin head? lol


Going back up to school tomorrow!!!!

I probably won't write in this thing for another 184 weeks, so bye!
Make me strong like you

[23 May 2005|01:09pm]
lol Idk why I'm writing in here...

I'm sweet. Duh... that's why.
Make me strong like you

[28 Aug 2004|05:18pm]

New LJ name...

 

wonderful_x
wonderful_x
wonderful_x </span>

</font> 

</font>

Make me strong like you

[28 Aug 2004|04:17pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Blahhh. Tonight will be boring. I woke up at 11:30, went to Dads house, got my eyebrows done, came home, watched TV, and now here I am. Dad and Renee are going to celebrate Lori's birthday tonight so  Ant and I are stuck home alone. Shocking, huh? But whatever, I get to watch a lot of TV and have my music up really loud. Tomorrow is mine and Tom's 10 month. So we shall be hanging out tomorrow. That will be fun. He is at a b-day party right now. I was supposta be at moms for a going away party for Tom but I'm not... Idk. Didn't feel like going. And mom was sick. So I'm not going to go there and hang out with adults. So yeah... Blah. I'm cold. Thank God! haha. It's a relief.

Tuesday = school. >.< *nervous* Well.. I'm off. Toodles n noodles.

(1). Make me strong like you

[28 Aug 2004|03:44am]

DV + Bad Hurr Day + Tiara/Crown thing = Hot sexCollapse )

(2). Make me strong like you

[28 Aug 2004|02:52am]
[ mood | blahhh ]

Today..

I slept in till 2. Woke up, went online, took a shower, got back online, Mom came home, we went to Tom's (down the street) for a little bit cuz he's going back to Germany this Wednesday =( So that sux...Then we left to go meet Tom up somewhere, I was tired so I didn't really realize where we were going. Then we got there and picked him up. Then we went to Uncle David's because he's leaving for Georgia in the morning... EVERYONE IS LEAVING ME! >.< So that sux... So we chilled there for a little bit, helped with some stuff. I got a crown and a lot of beads and we got a new fan and some plants lol. The crown is really pretty. It was Aunt Kim's friends crown she bought for her wedding, but never used it because it had too much gold in it. Idk if I fancy the gold but it looks pretty with my hair =) Maybe I'll take pix laterz. Being at Uncle David's reminds me of Joe haha Cuz... Ah long story. Idk... he was a weird boyfriend... Dave told Tom if he breaks my heart, he's gunna kill him. And he told the same thing to Joe. Haha he never killed Joe. Idk, I say a lot of stuff about him, but he actually did hurt me. And Idk... w/e. Anyway, then Tom and I came back here and just sat in the comp. room cuz it has a fan and it's hot as hell here. So we just talked and sat around and shit cuz it was too hot to move lol. Then we drove him home.

Tom: But um, yeah like
Me: *kisses him*
Tom: ... I forget.

lol Haha And then we got to his house and his mom and my mom talked for a little bit. And omg! There are gnomes in his cupboards. And it's scary. They are ass-grabbing gnomes. o.o haha Good times..

Now I'm at home. And I'm bored and alone and hot and blah.... I'm in a down mood right now. But heres a happy thought, Nick and I have journalism together. =) Idk... that makes me very happy. Cuz maybe now we'll start talking more. So yeah... Other than that I'm in a pretty shitty mood. Argh.. Brian said he'd sing to me to make me feel better lol. *glee*

Tomorrow is Tom(downthestreet)'s going away party. That should be fun. I hope. =\

(1). Make me strong like you

[27 Aug 2004|04:42pm]
[ mood | hot ]

More pix.

Read more...Collapse )

Today I think I shall hang out with Thomas after he gets back from the thingey. I'm soo glad he's going to Mott. That is awesome =) So yeah... Mom's house is hot like whoa. No AC. x.x I'm hot as hell. Last night I puked cuz it was so hot. Blah. Anyway... I'm going to go. Toodles.

 

(6). Make me strong like you

[27 Aug 2004|02:52pm]

Okay so who is ready for some camp pictues? I am.

 

YayCollapse )

(8). Make me strong like you

[27 Aug 2004|02:30am]

This entry is going to be al about Brian because he says all my entries are about Tom...

Brian is 16 years old. His full name is Brian Michael Glass. He plays bass and guitar. Um... he gets in trouble when he calls me. I get in trouble when I call him. We went out for about a year and broken up and gotten back together a few times after that. I've known him for almost over 2 years? Maybe? When we met he thought my name was Nikki haha He has black hair cuz he just dyed it. He lives in Wappingersf Falls, NY. Address 3 Montfort Rd. His phone Number is 1 845 297 6238. Um... he has a band. Failure to All. Let's see what else is there to write about him... He's a swell guy and I talk to him about everything.  He's an awesome listener and an even better friend. He's a slow typer. And when you say "So..." usually he'll say "I don't know." Our song was Somewhere Out There. Um... I can't think of anything else to write about him except he rocks and he's awesome and now Brian you will have a reason to comment... muahhahahaha =D

(1). Make me strong like you

[27 Aug 2004|02:07am]
[ mood | content ]

Today was effin awesome...

Read more...Collapse )

Make me strong like you

Boredom [27 Aug 2004|12:02am]

If I were a month, I'd be: June.
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Saturday.
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 1:00
If I were a planet, I'd be: Jupiter.
If I were a sea animal, I'd be a: Seal.
If I were a direction, I'd be: North.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a: Futon.
If I were a sin, I'd be: Lust
If I were a historical figure, I'd be: Martha Stewart.
If I were a liquid, I'd be: Alcohol.
If I were a tree, I'd be a: Magnolia tree.
If I were a bird, I'd be a: Dove.
If I were a tool, I'd be a: Hammer?
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be a: Daisy!!! =D.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Rain. Rain. Rain.
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be a: Unicorn.
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be an: Harmonica. So you can blow me anytime u want ;) .
If I were an animal, I'd be a: Bird.
If I were a color, I'd be: Pink.
If I were an emotion, I'd be: Happy.
If I were a vegetable, I'd be a: Tomato. Because people would fight over whether I was a vegetable or a fruit.
If I were a sound, I'd be: Thunder.
If I were an element: Water.
If I were a car, I'd be a: Red mustang convertable.
If I were a song, I'd be: Don't Stop Believein - Journey
If I were a movie, I'd be: White Oleander.
If I were a book, I'd be: Retribution.
If I were a fruit, I'd be a:A cumquat. =).
If I were a place, I'd be: Your moms room ;) haha... no. The ocean.
If I were a material, I'd be: Silk.
If I were a taste, I'd be: Mountain Dew.
If I were a scent, I'd be: The smell when yu walk into Bath and Body Works.
If I were a religion, I'd be: ...Catholic?.
If I were a word, I'd be: "Your" or "Mom" =).
If I were an object, I'd be a:  TV
If I were a body part, I'd be a(n): Eye.
If I were a subject in school, I'd be: Band, art, English.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: Smiling.
If I were a manga/cartoon/anime/book/etc I'd Be: Devi
If I were a shape I'd be: A star.
If I were a number, I'd be: 24

Make me strong like you

[25 Aug 2004|07:37pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Read more...Collapse )
Chingy: CHINKY
Britney Spears: No
Christina Aguilera: No
Taking Back Sunday: O.O <333333333333 x infinity
The F-Ups: Idk
The Distillers: yeah
Avenged Sevenfold: Yes'm
Atreyu: Yes ma'am
Fall Out Boy: Yepp
Waking Ashland: Idk
Have you ever...
kissed a guy: yes
kissed a girl: Yes
been kissed by a guy: yes
been kissed by a girl: Yes
been drunk:Yes
been high: Yes
been in love: Yepp 
been on stage: Yes, in CINDERELLA.
sang infront of a crowd: Yeah
had your name in the newspaper: Nope
gone skinny dipping: Yes, with your mom ;) 
broken a bone: Yep

Make me strong like you

[25 Aug 2004|06:50pm]
[ mood | blank ]

WhoopsiesCollapse )

Make me strong like you

Band camp [24 Aug 2004|08:35pm]
[ mood | sore ]

This one time at band camp..Collapse )

(5). Make me strong like you

[16 Aug 2004|08:38am]
[ mood | cranky ]

The brother unit. Chasing after seagulls

Eat your heart outCollapse )

(6). Make me strong like you

[15 Aug 2004|11:02pm]
First job: Babysitting.
First screen name: poohbeargurl2
First funeral: My grandpas
First pet: Lincoln (cat) n Joey (dog).
First piercing/tattoo: Uhh first peircing was when I was like 3 months. Ears. no tats. yet.
First credit card: Yeahh in a few years.
First real kiss: 6th grade.
First love: Hm. Brian maybe.
First enemy: Uh, we're friends now, but Andrea maybe.
First favorite musician: Backstreet Boys.

L A S T S:

Last car ride: Moms car.
Last kiss: Um, Tom. Like almost 2 weeks ago
Last library book checked out: Some book about sleep problems.
Last movie watched: Little Nicky.
Last beverage drank: Coffee.
Last food consumed: Ramen Noodles.

1.What's the worst movie you've ever seen? Idk.
2.What's the worst song you've ever heard? Who Let The Dogs Out
3.If you could kill any celebrity, who would it be? Hillary Duff, Lindsay Lohan
4.who's the worst band in the world? Uh some gay band I listened to with Tom
5.Who is your arch enemy? Idk, don't really have one. I hate some people though.
6.What is your least favorite food? Liver, saurkraut.
7.what happened on the worst day of your life? I cut. Went to the hospital. We broke up.
8.What's the worst job you've ever had? The early years of my prostitution job was the worst. But now I'm used to it.
9.who's your least favorite relative? Hm.. usta be my uncle but now he's moving. Dammit.
10.worst sex you ever had? You
11.what's the worst way to die? Drowning, burning to death..
12.what do you think hell would be like? Global class.
13.if you could murder somebody and get away with it, who would it be? Hm, the people who read my journal and comment negative things. If ya don't liek what I write, DONT FUCKINGREAD IT. Jesus.
14.how would you commit this murder? Stab with an icicle. Fingerprints melt away...
15.worst book you've ever read? Uhh... Retribution.
16.worst tv show ever? Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? everyone wants to be a fucking millionaire. God damn.
17.what's the meanest thing you've ever done? It had to do with a dead relative of someones. It was mean. Like whoa..
18.what's the most brutal way you've ever snubbed an ex? Snubbed? Huh? You mean dumped? Uh, said it was over?
19.what do you hate most about your personality? I get attached too easily. I trust people too easily. I have an addictive personality.
20.what do you hate most about your physical appearance? I'm fat. Ugly. Stupid looking... What else...

Last time showered: This morning.
Last CD played: Modest Mouse.
Last website visited:
www.livejournal.com... obviously...
Last person you talked to: Brian.
Last time you said "I love you" and meant it: To my friend Dan. He made me feel better.

N O W:

Single or Taken: Taken.
Birthday: December 18th
Sign: Saggitarius.
Siblings: 1 brother
Hair color: Uh, burgandy.
Eye color: Idk, some weird color
Height: 5'3?

Right now what are you..:

Wearing: Jean, CBGB t-shirt, etnies.
Listening to: The lawnmower and the history channel
thinking about: Tom
Wishing for: him to call back.
What else are you wishing for: To be good at Varsity.


M O R E A B O U T M E.

1. What is your favorite Girl Scout cookie? Uh... those peanut butter things.
2) Do you prefer small town life or big city life? Hm... both are nice..
3) The Cure's "Boys don't cry" or "Just like Heaven"? The Cure!!! <3<3<3... Oh uh, Boys Don't Cry.
4) Violent femmes or Sex Pistols? Violent Femmes
5) Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups or Pieces? Cups
6) Morning sex or drunk sex? Morning sex. Drunk sex seems icky.
7) Jenna Jamison or Belladonna? huh? Isn't she a porn star?
8) Britney or Christina? Neither.
9) Where were you born? Hampton, VA.
10) Pirates or zombies? Zombies. Scarier.
11) Hardcore or emo? Emo
12) Dodge ball or red light greenlight? Dodgeball. Redlight Green light fucking confuses me and I always lose.
13) Did you get spanked when you were a kid? Yes. Only once though.
14) Do you get spanked now (sexually)? Yeah! all the time!
15) Do you like it? Fo sho
16) Where do you hope to be in 5 years? Graduated, NYC.
17) Do you believe in love? With the right person.
18) Do you believe in witchcraft? Yes.
19) Explain a holiday memory: My dad punching my uncle in the face at Christmas.
20) If you could be a virgin again would you? Sure.
21) Would you ever consider being open sexual to someone of the same sex? Uhh... o.O
22)Type some of the lyrics of one of your favorite songs:

Well it's love
It's love
Make it hurt
I deserve it

23) Do you sleep with a teddy bear or a blankie? Teddy bear.
24) Do you believe long distance relationships would work? It happened with me.
25) Have you ever dated some one off of my space/ friendster? No?
26) How many people? 0
27) What's more important: money, friendship, power or love? Friendship.
28) Would you sleep with someone on the first date? Nope.
29) How do you like your grilled cheese sandwiches? Mmm =).
30) What do you listen to when your heart is broken? Stabbing Westward, Dashboard, Our Lady Peace.
31) Do you believe trust is earned, or do you think everyone gets a shot? Earned. I know that more than anyone!
32) What do you mix your vodka with? sometimes Sprite. Sometimes straight.
33) What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon? Doug
34) Did you ever watch kids incorporated? o.O No.
35) What is your favorite John Hughes film? Idk
36) What did you think of House of 1000 corpses by Rob Zombie? Oh jesus christ...
37) What do you do for work? Babysit?
38) What is your dream job? Actress.
39) Who is your favorite Peanuts Gang Character? Pig Pen
40) Broken hearts or a broken aim? aim
41) Clubs or bars? Clubs
42) Whats the best show you've ever been to? Hm... Blink 182. They put on a good show
43) Do you have a crush? yes.
44) Who were you in high school? Um, I'm not in it yet.
45) Do you believe in astrology? Yeahh
46) Do you believe in angels? I do.
47) Do you believe in ghosts? To a certain extent..
49) Don't lie: do you like bon Jovi's album- uh which one?
50) What is your biggest "issue" right now? Tom


S O C I A L L I F E:

01. Best Friends: Tom n Sarah.
02. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Tom
03. Current Crush: Tom
04. Hobbies: Computer.
05. What Type Automobile Do You Drive: If I drove I probably would not be home rightnow to take this stupid survey
06. Redeeming qualities:
08. Are You Timely Or Always Late: Timely... sometimes
09. Do You Have A Job: 2nd time this question has been repeated.
10. Do You Like Being Around People: Depends who.

S T U F F:

11. have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Maybe not love... but liked... yes
12. Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: Um... YES
13. Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: A guy with a good sence of humor.
14. Do you want someone you don't have right now: Hes not with me... at the moment.
15. Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: yes.
16. Are You Lonely Right Now: yes ma'am
17. Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: who would want to marry me? haha.
18. Do You Want To Get Married: Yes.
19. Do you want kids: Yes. I want your kids. ha ha.

F A V O R I T E:

20. Room In house: computer room
21. Type of music: Uh... Idk.
22. Song: She Will Be Loved
23. Memory: New Years. =(.
24. Day Of The Week: It's Friday, I'm in love.
26. Perfume or cologne: I dont wear either
28. Month: December... my b day is in december... =)
29. Season: Winter
30. Place to be kissed: face? uh... lips
31. Location for dates: movies a scary movie or a chick flick.

I N T H E L A S T 48 HOURS, H A V E Y O U:

32. Cried: uh... yes
33. Bought Something: food cuz im fat
34. Gotten Sick: yes
35. Sang: yes ha ha in the show cuz im hot like that
36. Said I Love You: yes... in the last hour.
37. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, but didn't: uh... no? cuz he knows it dammit
38. Met Someone New: yes
39. Moved On: no...
40. Talked To Someone: No cuz I'm that big of a loser.
41. Had A Serious Talk: yes actually. With mother..
42. Missed Someone: ME? MISS SOMEONE? NOOOO.
43. Hugged Someone: Yes..
44. Kissed Someone: Yeah. Your mom.
45. Fought With Your Parents: No, suprisingly.
46. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: Well... I am "with" him, but I wasnt with him..
47. Had a lot of sleep: Nope.

G E T T I N G P E R S O N A L:

48. What do you want to be when you grow up? Famous. Haha. Or a criminal investigator
49. What was the worst day(s) of your life? Uh I've ha a few. 4 to be exact
50. What has been the best day of your life? New Yers. Or the week in Tennessee
51. What comes first in your life? Him. Or music.
52. Do you have a boyfriend, girlfriend? Boyfriend... yes. Girlfriend... no
53. What are you most scared of? Spiders. Losing him.
54. Who is your funniest friend? Hm... Tom or Sarah.

M O R E F A V O R I T E S:

55. Movie: I have a few.
56. Band/Group: Taking Back Sunday.
57. Store: Pac Sun. Gadzooks. Borders, that count?
58. Relative: Uncle Frank.
59. Sport: Uh, hockey.
60. Ice Cream Flavor: Um, Strawberry. Just plain strawberry =)
61. Fruit: WATERMELON!
62. Car: Mustang
63. Name for a Girl: Nicole, Michelle
64. Name for a Boy: Conner, Damien.

H A V E Y O U E V E R:

65. Been dumped? Yes.
66. Dumped Someone? yeah
67. Had someone be unfaithful to you? Yeah
68. Hiked a mountain? All the fucking time
69. Seen the White house? I live there
70. Seen the Eiffel tower? No, but I'd love to
71. Tried smoking? Yeah
72. Played monopoly? Monoply is the longest FUCKING game!!! It's fucking 3 in the morning and we have been playing forever! You fucking win grandma, you cheating whore!
73. Seen Titanic? Yes, and do I cry everytime? YES
74. Kissed someone? I'm a kissing slut
75. Tried a weight loss program? No but god knows I should
76. Jumped on a trampoline? Yay! I love trampolines!
77. Visited another country? Canada lol
78. Colored in a coloring book(and had fun)? Omg.. I haven't colored in a coloring book in so long... I think after I finish this I shall.
79. Been on a plane? Yes.
80. Been on a boat? Uh huh.
81. Been on a train? No. But I think it'd be fun.
82. Been in a car accident? Yes. Made me think bout lotza things.
83. Ridden an elephant? YES! At the circus
84. Made a web page? Yep
85. Played with Barbies? Hell yeah.
86. Shoved stuff under your bed to make your room look cleaner? I do all the time.
87. Broken a bone? Yes.
88. Call a psychic or sex hotline? Haha 1-800-BOOBIES. IT WAS FOR FUN I SWEAR!
89. Watched Jerry Springer? Yes. Jerry is the God of the 90s. Jerry solves problems lke noone else.
90. Gotten in trouble for talking in class? Yeah
91. Gotten caught passing notes in class? Yepp
92. Been afraid of the dark? Yeah I thought ther was a witch under my bed! Come to think of it, I thought there was a witch in the toilet too...
93. Been in the hospital(not visiting)? Yea
94. Had stitches? Yes
95. Dumped someone and regretted it? Yes..
96. Went out with more than one person at a time? >.<
97. Been arrested? No. Been taken home in a cop car? Yes. You can imagine my dads expression. Priceless.
98. Fallen asleep in class? haha Hell yeah
99. Used food for something other than to eat? ;).
100. Ever Thrown food? Yes.
101. Met a celebrity? I think so
102. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes
103. Hated yourself? Yeah, I do
104. Been brokenhearted? Yepp.
105. Broken someones heart? Yes. I'm a bitch like that.

D O Y O U:

106. Like to walk in the rain? I love the rain.
107. Sleep with or without clothes on? Naked baby, yeah ;)... I MEAN WHAT?!
108. Prefer black or blue pens? Blue.
110. Like to travel? Yes.
111. Like someone? Yes... YOUR MOM
112. Do they know? Oh yeah ;)
113. Sleep on your side? Um, Idk. I'm asleep
114. Think your attractive? Kinda, sometimes, not really.
115. Want to get married? Yes.
116. Who? Him
117. Alaska or Hawaii?: Hawaii.
118. Are you a good student?: SHIT SON
119. Are you currently in a relationship?: Yes ma'am..
120. Are you involved in sports: Hell no
121. Birthplace: VA
122. Christmas or Halloween?: Hm, Christmas you get fat relatives that come to your house, eat all your food and give you socks as presents, Halloween you get to be something your not and get candy for it.... You decide
123. Color or black-and-white photos?: Depends on the photo.
124. Do long distance relationships work?: Already asked that.
125: Do you believe in astrology: And that
126. Do you believe in God?: Yes
127. Do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes
128. Do you consider yourself the life of the party?: I usta be haha
129. Do you drink?: yes.
130. Do you have a car?: Nope =( Im only 14
131. Do you have a job?: No.
132. Do you make fun of people?: Yeah some people deserve it.
133. Do you think dreams eventually come true: Mine did. Then shattered.

E T C:

134. Fave thing to do?: Be sleeping next to Tom. In his arms.
135. Fave breakfast food? Pop tarts. The strawberry ones, none of that smore or chocolate bullshit
136. Fave Candy?: Twix or 3 Musketteers.
137. Favorite vacationing spot: Idk... Proud Lake
138. Favorite body part of the opposite sex: Eyes.
139. Favorite cartoon? Family Guy, fo sho nigga
140. Go to the movies or rent?: Rent.
141. Have you ever moved?: Yes.
142. Have you ever stolen anything (from a store)?: ME?!??!??!?!?!? NO!!!!!!!.
143. How's the weather right now?: Too fucking cold for august, thats for damn sure
144. Hug or kiss?: Um... kiss.
145. Last person you talked to on the phone?: Thomas
146. Last time you showered? Today.
147. Loud or soft music?: soft.
148. McDonalds or Burger King?: BK LOUNGE.
149. More romantic; baths or shower?: Hm... they're both. But prolly baths.
150. Night or day: Night.
151. Number of Pillows?: One. Maybe two..
152. Piano or guitar?: Guitar.
153. Read or write?: Both.
154. Single or taken?: both.
155. Snow or water?: Snow
156. What are you doing tomorrow?: Maybe hanging out with Tom *crossesfingers*
157. What clothes are you wearing?: CBGB tshirt n jeans.
158. What do you drink?: Pop, water, milk, ice tea, lemonade, alcohol... Idk?
159. What makes you vomit?: The smell of this stuff my dad makes with bacon n water chestnuts. Oh God I'm gagging now.
160. What's on your computer screen?: LJ.
161. What's right next to you?: Right :my camera Left: closet.
162. What's your bedtime?: Usually like 4 or 5.
163. What's your best physical feature?: Hm... my nails maybe. Or lips.
164. Whats your name backwards? Noved Elocin Occot
165. When do you get up in the morning?: Usually 12:30, 1:00.
166. Who do you talk to the most online? Brian.
167. Would you wait to have sex until you are married?:Probably not.

WHO DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR THESE NAMES

168. Shawn/Sean: Uh... noone?
170. ew, Pat Lubeck.
171. Bobby: my uncle Bobby.
178. Jessica: Kliest.
179. Elizabeth: Ensminger.



Make me strong like you

[15 Aug 2004|09:23pm]

DORksRus14207: cheer up emo kid

Danny <3

Make me strong like you

[15 Aug 2004|08:51pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

So today Tom called and I was sooo happy. He said he's not going to dump me. But then he had to go. I went online, went to the post office, bought stamps from this really kool stamp machine, came home, had pizza, watched RHPS, Tom called, talked to him, wrote to Frank, and here I am now... Fuck.

Don't read this next part if you're going to critisize me. Please.

 WtfCollapse )

(2). Make me strong like you

*sigh and such* [15 Aug 2004|01:25pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Haha this is not going to last long. I think his parents hate me now. What a shock! lol Every boyfriend I've had has 'rents that hate me. But yeah this sucks. I thought he would have at least called me if he was going to be at his dads. I'm probably just a burden. Hence why I think it will not last long. I guess we'll see how long it will be till I have another break down then haha Whatever... Fuck you Devon. God I'm fucking gay.

"Dearest, I feel certain I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the grestest possible happiness. You have been in every wa all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happoer till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any nger. I know that I am spoiling your life, that withougt me you could work. And you will, I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happness of my life to you.You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that - everybody knows it. If anybody could have save me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on soiling your ife any longer. I don't think twopeople caould have been hppier than we have been. V." - Virginia Wolf's suicide note.

*sigh* I really can't stand not knowing.

Anyway... I got a new guitar. My uncle gave it to me. If I didn't know he was alright, I'd think he was planning to killhimself because he is being nice to me. We stayed there for almost an hour today talking. Weird. They got a dog. Pure bread Syberian Huskie. It is so beauuuutiful. It's name is Logan and it rox.

I'm bored. I don't want to go back to my dads. I have Rush on Tuesday and Wednesday and then Thursday I go to Varsity band camp. I will suck very badly. =\ I know this. But it will be an experience. So...

I miss him. Fuck.

xfuckingo

(3). Make me strong like you

[14 Aug 2004|11:26pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

My uncles party was today. It wasn't half as bad as I had expected it to be. He was actually being kind of...nice o.o And I got to see Amanda and Rachel and my uncle Mike and  Aunt Julie. And it was fun. I think my mom told Uncle David what I did cuz when we said goodbye he was like "Bye..blah blah... and no more of that" And I was like o.o k? So yeah...

I went out to the dock and carved my name in the pier. Mine and Tom's name. If we don't last, maybe that will.

I ahve a bad feeling about something, and I know it has to do with Tom. I don't think this is going to last much longer and it's killing me. Knowing that it's coming is worse than it being a shock like it was the other day. God damnit. =(

Not much is wrong with my life, but everything is wrong with me.

Make me strong like you

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